A Little Yellow Sticky Note

At my Oncology visit on Friday I was in the lab having blood drawn which is routine with every visit so they can check the tumor marker. Since over the past few months my doctor has been telling me that the tumor marker in my blood has been rising I began to pray as the nurse was doing her "thing" - not out loud... just to myself. Across the room on a counter where they hand off the viles of blood (or whatever they call them) to the lab techs there were yellow sticky notes hanging all across the counter with various notes referring to patients, meds, etc., etc. I began to glance across these post it notes when my eyes caught one in particular that stopped me cold. It said "He Lives" (that is all it said). I heard in my spirit "As long as He lives you live" and I knew that God was speaking to me.
If I have learned anything through all that I have been through - it is this - God will speak to you and remind you who He is and that He really is there in trouble. In trials and hard times you don't have to wait on the next church service or the pastor or a prayer team - look for God, listen for God. God comes down to us where we are if we let Him. He spoke to me and He did it with just a little yellow sticky note.

Coincidence or More?

Yesterday, I was coming out of a grocery store in another town when I was approached by a lady who looked as if she were consumed with confusion and hurt - after expressing to me that she did not want to take up any of my time or cause me any bother - she simply asked me if I would pray for her. She proceeded to explain to me that she had just lost her 27 year old daughter to - yes - breast cancer. She shared her daughter's story with me of how the doctors had told her that they had gotten it all and that she would be fine and yet that was not the case. The cancer had metastasized throughout her body and stolen her daughter's young life. It was clear this precious distraught lady was devastated and heartbroken. Now this lady knew nothing of my story - why me? Why did this lady choose me out of all of the people coming out of that store to share her burden with and how did she know that I would pray? I told her a little part of my story but more than that I just wrapped my arms around her and honestly I did want to let her go. I felt her pain and as I felt her pain all of my troubles fell away. It seems to me that we spend most of our lives searching for reasons for our grim situations and for answers as to why we are here and how we can get more stuff. But what do we do when everything is going right? When everyone is well and we have all that we need and life is good - do we take the time to thank God or just wait until things go wrong so we can blame Him. Wanda was her name and she humbly asked for prayer and she reminded me of how blessed I am. I do not believe this was merely coincidence and I also do not believe that everything that happens to us is about us or for us. Wanda did not know that I needed her as much as she needed me and that is the thing - we need one another. I know this is heavy but my heart is burdened. Through the trials in my life - though hard - I want to embrace what God teaches me while I am there. I have learned through all of life's pain if we will allow Him to He will mold us into something greater than we could ever imagine. We have each other and we have Him - what more do we need?

Happy New Year

Happy New Year

Church

Watch NewSpring's Christmas Party (week 4) as they recap 2008

http://www.newspring.cc/

Pampers to Depends (or visa versa)

Last night, we went to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and all I can say is "got no sense" -
Great story! Full of symbolism about life: what we think about our lives, how we see ourselves, growing old and the end of our lives. There were some great lines in that movie that I find keep playing out in my head. One in particular was that of an elderly male character who kept asking Benjamin if he had ever told him that he had been struck by lightning seven times - he said that God was trying to remind him that he was still here. After the scene where several of the elderly characters were sitting on the front porch of the home they were sharing and the narrator (who was Benjamin) describing these folks as those who had survived life's circumstances just to end up on the front porch talking about the weather - the movie went on to prove that however meaningless this might would seem that we would all just end up with nothing more to say than it's raining and cool out - each of ours lives have a real impact in this life in some way and though nothing last forever and some things will be forgotten - an impact nevertheless. I left thinking about this and how we may never know exactly how significant our individual impact might have been and how even as we are all heading in different directions in our lives that even if we can somehow change the course for just one person to see joy through sorrow and faith through fear then our lives would have been well spent.
Though time passes quickly and memories are short and we can't turn back the clock -
somewhere between pampers and depends, we did live!

This flick truly serves up food for thought!
This is just a small portion of the thoughts the movie left me chewing on - there are many layers with this one and you may walk away having experienced something totally different.

Trained for this

So my five year check up did not go as I had expected....the doctor's report (his facts I might add) says there are some new breast cancer metz on a few places on my bones. He says that I will be needing to go out to Houston to check out their latest greatest chemo cocktails and he will get the party started next month.
Yes, I will be honest with you I cried, I screamed, I punched a few walls and I threw a few things....well I hope you didn't think I would have said oh, how awesome and I am so pschyed. Heck no, this sucks sucks sucks! BUT I know too much about God now and I know that His grace really is sufficient as the Bible says. I stood before family and friends 5 years ago and shared my testimony of healing (which is truth I might add) and I will again.
Praying, reading God's word, going to church to be taught and to draw strength from other believers is all training so when a real problem comes along - you have trained for it.
But note: you never graduate from this training...

Five Years Today

Today I am at a total of 10 years out from stage 4 vulva cancer and 5 years to the very day out from breast cancer. It was exactly 5 years ago today that I was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. I just needed to blog that I have every intention to keep on walking in healing and health. I thank God everyday for keeping me through all of that mess. Though there may be a few little left over thorns in the side here and there for me from this last cancer - I have faith enough to believe (no, I KNOW) that God will never leave me nor forsake me. He who has promised is faithful.
And for folks who often told me that I must be in denial - I say YEAP, I deny cancer and I always will!